Here is the third part of the “My Fitness Journey Series”.
A little recap to start. If you remember last week, I told you guys, how during my freshman year at Baylor I gained a lot of my weight back. I wasn’t eating the best, though I was doing a lot of cardio. The summer before my sophomore year, I cleaned up my eating, kept doing cardio and lost weight. During Christmas break I started to do weights again, which in turn took my fitness journey to the next level. I did the same work out plan for 3 years. I left off by telling you guys, “I loved my workout routine, and my lifestyle! The backside was my obsession with it is what became unhealthy.”
Are we caught up? Okay, cool.
By my senior year, I had lost all of my weight again + more. During this time, I was in great shape. I was the thinest I had been at 103 lbs. Which btw – for my height, is completely normal, I am barely 5 feet people! This is when I started documenting every put in my body, everyday, down to the ounces I drank in my wine. Only allowing myself 1300 calories. I was obsessed with people telling me how thin I was. Asking what my secret was. I wouldn’t go out with friends in fear of over eating, if I thought I over indulged on a date w/ Colton I would cry myself to sleep. Vacations still give me such anxiety that I make myself sick the entire way leading up to them.
After graduation, I saw my weight rising. This really wasn’t a big deal looking back, I mean really, but the first thing to flash through my eyes was “OMG IT’S HAPPENING AGAIN!!”. So basically, I became more of a psycho and harder on myself then ever before. I mean, literally freaking out. I’m not sure if it was because my body wasn’t use to sitting all day, or whether it was the fact that my body was way too use to my workout routine, but, I was definitely gaining weight and started being really hard on myself. Poor Colton, I was not a fun person to be around.
I learned very quickly that financially, a full-time trainer wasn’t an option. But, after meeting with a few, the number one thing they told me was that I needed to kick it up a notch. I started doing two-a-days waking up at 5 a.m., & working out after work. I mean that kind of worked, but I was being so hard on my body, that I was exhausted. I was so stressed, and focusing so much on losing weight that I wasn’t able to lose anything. (Remember, I am self taught) Right around this time, my friend, Tera told me she was starting the Kayla Instine’s Bikini Body Guide. I told you all about Kayla in this post.
When browsing through Kayla’s website & Instagram it’s pretty easy to get stoked and pump yourself up. I mean, she has fantastic success stories. I thought to myself “this is it, I am going to get back on track and lose all of my weight with this plan, I mean, I wouldn’t be surprised if Kayla featured me.” I know – right.
Well, that didn’t happen. Actually, I haven’t lost any weight, like I said in my Kayla post, her workouts worked for me. Her workouts pushed me to that next level, getting me out of my plateau. What’s the amazing part? After all the years of stressing so much about my body image, the number on my scale, not missing a single workout, & having Colton take my “reminder” pictures, I finally looked at myself in the mirror and liked what I saw, regardless of what my scale said that day. THIS was an incredible moment.
I was SO exhausted of obsessing over it all – finally I looked in the mirror and felt at peace. The bottom line is, I want to be fit, I want to be happy, & healthy, but I also want to LIVE. I want to get dessert on date nights, and enjoy brunch with my friends. I want to go on vacation and drink daiquiris. Because that is living, & the way I treated myself, wasn’t.
So that’s where I am now, focusing on learning to love my body. Learning to love myself. Maybe it is because of my past & because no matter what, I will always view myself as the “heavier girl”. But, I know I am no longer that person, that I have worked hard to get to where I am today and that I will continue to workout hard and to eat healthy, but I won’t kill myself over an indulgence.
It’s all about balance. It’s all about giving your body the nutrients it needs, and moving to keep it healthy & it’s also about being happy with who you are. Today I am still doing Kayla’s guide for the second time, but I also mix it up with my old weight routine, & a lot of spin classes, which I love love, love. I will always choose the healthier option, but I will let myself indulge.
Maybe this is a weird ending? Idk, I feel like I am aimlessly typing in my bed, so my bad if I just pulled a “True Detective” disappointing ending. I just want everyone who is trying to lose weight, to realize that you’re incredible, beautiful, & you can change your habits into being a healthier and happier person. BUT that’s what I want you to do. I want you to change to be healthier and happier, not because you think you should be a certain number on a scale.
My fitness journey will never be a finished series, your body changes everyday & it’s a life long commitment to a healthier lifestyle. It’s just finding what works for you at that moment & what makes you happy. I hope you guys enjoyed reading this series as much as I have enjoyed sharing it. I do not know who all reads this, but if I can just help or inspire one person, then that’s fulfilling enough to me.
If you guys have any questions or comments, please email me! I truly love reading them.