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polka dot dress // watch // bracelet (dupe) // similar couch // rug
Welcome Back Cuties
How are ya’ll doing? Honestly though, I want to know! So if you are feeling like you need to vent to someone, please (please) do so in the comments section below because I’m definitely about to vent to all of you and have myself one big ol pitty party lol so it’s only fair that yall get to do the same.
So here we go.
Now that we are about a month into this Quarantine…. I’ve definitely started to feel less optimistic about everything and have honestly just overall felt sad. I don’t know if it’s the hormones, being cooped up inside or a combination of both but I have been a mess of emotions as of recently. From everything corona related and the uncertainty of it all, to not only being pregnant, but being pregnant during this time, to still mourning Bentley, and not feeling like we’re 100% ready for this next chapter… It’s been a lot for me to deal with.
Up until last week though, I was honestly doing really good! I was really focusing all of my energy on staying positive but in the last few days, it’s like the reality of everything has hit me like a ton of bricks.
I think that deep down, and as nieve as this may sound, I was really hoping things would start to look normal by Easter and as we all know, that’s just not happening. I’ve been super bummed because we had to make the final decision to cancel our “Baby-Moon” and the reality is sinking in that I probably won’t get to have a baby shower either. I’ve been so scared/in shock this whole pregnancy but I’m finally at the point where it feels real and I am so excited about everything and I wanted to celebrate that. I wanted that last trip with my husband before we become “mom and dad” and as silly as it sounds, I wanted to be able to have all those photos too. Especially the photos from my shower though… You know, the ones with my best friends…those last photos of all of us together before one of us becomes a mom. I wanted one that I could frame and place next to all the others that we’ve taken over the years since we were fifteen. I also had this big plan to recreate one of my mom’s favorite photos that was taken at her baby shower. It’s a picture that I grew up loving/admiring and I’m sad it might not happen.
The thing I have hands down been the most upset and stressed out about though is the possibility that Colton won’t be able to be with me during delivery. Thankfully, this rule hasn’t been put in place yet by our hospital, and we’re praying it never does, but it’s still something that our doctor told us we should mentally prepare for and is something that definitely keeps me up at night. The thought of not having Colton there with me literally feels like daggers and leaves me in tears daily but it’s out of my control and all I can do is pray.
With all of that being said though and as gloomy as I’ve felt recently… I’m still trying to stay as optimistic as possible. I usually cry and allow myself to have one small pity party a day, just to release my emotions a little bit and because I am only human…. but as soon as I’m done, I do everything in my power to only think positively the rest of the day because truth be told, I have a lot to be thankful for.
While I’m sad about things like our Baby Moon trip, on the bright side it just means we get to save a little bit of extra money during this time and plan an even better trip for later on. Plus, while we might be missing out on a beach vacation right now, there will be plenty of trips in the future. One thing we wont get to experience again though is this one on one time we are currently getting. I mean think about it, when again will Colton and I have this much alone time together, just the two of us, ever again?”. The answer is probably never lol.
The same thing goes for not having a shower…while I’m super bummed that I might not be getting a party beforehand..it doesn’t mean we can’t have one afterward to celebrate baby boy’s arrival and truth be told, I think that having a party where I don’t feel swollen and can enjoy a glass of champagne without the pregnancy police sounds quite nice.
While I haven’t found the silver lining in regards to the possibility that Colton might not be there to hold my hand during birth, fretting and worrying about it isn’t going to do me any good. Praying and a having a positive mindset is truly the only thing I can do.
Moral of the story? We’re literally all emotional and scared right now. This situation is not ideal, and I hope that you know that it’s okay to mourn your plans, trips and canceled showers and/or wedding. It’s okay to be scared of the future and to want to cry. There is no right or wrong way to handle everything that’s happening in the world right now. I just pray that whatever it is that’s keeping you up at night, that you find the silver lining in it all as well. That you find a way to put a positive spin on it for yourself and your sanity and if that doesn’t work, find a way to pray.
Things to Make You Smile, Feel Less Alone and Get You Through Today
xo,
Lauren
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